Earlier in the week, I laid on the guilt pretty thick during an office Yankee Swap as I aggressive vied to keep the gingerbread house kit. It was perfect: four miniature houses, one for each of us, everything we need in the package. I would have to put no additional effort into making this family gingerbread house decorating thing happen. No baking. No churning butter cream. No buying decorative gum drops.

“You wouldn’t want to deny me the chance to make these houses with my kids, would you?” I bellowed. “Think of how happy they will be that I am doing something crafty with them!” I exclaimed. “Awe come on, they’re perfect for my kids’ tiny little hands; you have grown up hands.” I protested.

The gingerbread house kit was, in fact, the most popular item of the Yankee Swap. I lost it in the end but the aggressor who took it from only wanted the scratch tickets attached to it. This kind-hearted soul took pity on my mothering woes and let me have the kit.

Score! You can just call me Mommy of the Year.

So last night was the night. I had had the whole day off. Did a little bit of house work. Ran some errands. Took the kids to see Santa. And the time had come to make the assemble the sweet, cinnamon walls. While the walls were setting, we would watch Rudolf. Perfect. What better a family bonding event. After the show we would decorate the houses. I had proactively gotten my roof done even though the structure kept falling apart since I did not let the walls set. Perhaps it was because I knew what was coming…

….And then it happened. Like it always happens. I fell asleep.

For several years now, any Friday night I am not on call is family movie night. I have never made it through the opening credits of a single film. Nope. Not once. I have convinced myself that the kids are at least excited to be doing what ever we have decided to do and appreciate that we are all together even if I am slumped over with a trail of drool slinking down my jaw. This, sadly, is just one example of how I often just fall asleep when I let my guard down. Unfortunately, home is really the only place I can do this and my kids are often there with me.  So there is this vicious cycle of me pushing myself to do as much as I can to be present with my family and then falling asleep as soon as I am able to relax. The chronic sleep deprivation has no other cure.

I so very badly wanted to get through the entire gingerbread house decorating ritual with the family, especially after all the Yankee Swap trash talk (and to assuage the guilt of having fallen asleep earlier in the week while we were decorating the Christmas tree), but I JUST. COULD. NOT. FIGHT. THE. EXHAUSTION.  Time to find another family bonding ritual of the season (third time’s a charm, right?). Meanwhile, my doorless, decorless gingerbread house is flanked but the other three. I think they did a pretty nice job. Too bad I missed it.