Top 8 reasons you should marry a female physician

A couple of years ago, I asked a friend of mine how she met her husband.  It was at a bar, and when she asked his occupation he replied, “I work for the city.”  She took that to mean he was a construction worker.  They began dating and quickly fell in love.  Much to her surprise about a month into their relationship, she learned he actually played for the NFL team in their city.

Two nights ago, I had the pleasure of having dinner with two very pretty surgical residents.  As they are both single, the conversation quickly turned towards the “single life” here in our city.  One began to tell me she uses dental hygienist as her go-to occupation when meeting men, while the other uses flight attendant.  I have to admit, the flight attendant bit is pretty genius – it actually explains our crazy schedules pretty well!

But as I thought about this more and more, I realized that I hadn’t been surprised that they come up with alternative careers for themselves when they meet men for the first time.  I wasn’t surprised, because I too, operate under the assumption that although NFL players might want to hide their occupation because of too much interest, we female physicians hide ours because of lack of interest.

But it isn’t just me that thinks male and female physicians are viewed very differently on the dating scene.  Think about it.  On Grey’s Anatomy, you had Dr. McDreamy and then came Dr. McSteamy.  But where was all the fanfare for the Dr. McFoxy or Dr. McHotties on the show?

So, in an effort to enlighten the public, I am going to list my top 8 reasons for why anyone and everyone should date or marry a female physician (and yes, this includes surgeons!).  For all my Dr. McHotties out there, this is for you!! 

1.  We know CPR.

Someone once gave me the advice to marry the person you want to be in the trenches with.  In other words, when the s&%^ is hitting the fan, who do you want next to you, being your partner, and getting you through the hard times?  So, why not be with someone who knows how to save your life, literally?

2.  We understand hard work.

Whether it is gaining admittance into medical school, suffering through Histology, placing into a residency, or working for 30 hours straight without sleep, we know what hard work looks like, because we have done it.  Marriage, at times, can require a lot of work, and trust me, you want a partner who will work as hard as you in ensuring each other’s happiness.

3.  We handle stress well and multi-task like pros.

Your in-laws have stayed too long, the baby is screaming, the cable is out, the game is on, and who knows what your firstborn is doing, wait, why is there water coming from underneath the bathroom door?  Well, the saying in my house is, “At least no one is bleeding”.  And then, if someone is bleeding, expect to hear, “No worries, all bleeding stops.”  Because it really is true, all bleeding does stop, and we understand this.  Stopping a bathroom flood in comparison to stopping a bleeding subclavian artery or delivering a baby with an umbilical cord around its neck?  Cake walk.

4.  We are financially viable.

You may make more money than us, we may make more than you.  Guess what?  We don’t care.  You should appreciate that we can help our family and will always have a job.  Life is unpredictable.  If you lose your job or become disabled or want to go back to school, you won’t have to worry about how your family will eat or be clothed.  Think outside the box, guys, it is your family’s income and stability that matters, and we will always be able to help.

5.  We are smart.

Um, duh.  If you can’t understand the benefits of being married to an intelligent woman, then I can’t help you.  I don’t do brain transplants.

6.  We have good personalities.

Being a doctor isn’t just being a good technician.  We have to sell ourselves and our skills to our patients.  We have to engender trust from strangers, which requires a good “bedside manner”, ie a good personality!

7.  We tend to be low maintenance.

When you have slept in bunk beds in your late twenties and lived off of the most likely expired peanut butter and graham crackers found in the dark recesses of random cabinets, high maintenance really isn’t in our vocabulary.  We don’t expect limos and hot air balloons on dates.  Just show up and have food served at something other than room temperature and you are way ahead in the game!

8.  We have a unique perspective on life.

We take care of sick people, we have witnessed the moments that Death has come to take our patients away, and we have comforted those left behind.  When this is how you spend your days, we are much less likely to give you hell over forgetting to pick up your underwear off the floor.

Although, for real, pick up your damn underwear 🙂

McHotties rule!

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417 thoughts on “Top 8 reasons you should marry a female physician

  1. Loved the post! All so true! As a female doctor myself, I can definitely relate. I’ve had several men scamper away at the mention of “doctor.” Idiots 😉

  2. I am sorry. Much of this female-doctors-are-great is is self-hype. I am a doctor. I refuse to date female doctors. Generally speaking, the female doctors are *extremely* high strung and do *not* handle normal life stresses well.

    Then there is this phenomenon You (female doctors) often shut down emotionally if something doesn’t logically make 100% sense. You have no issue halting conversations, abruptly calling people out, shutting down if something doesn’t make logical sense.

    Parties and conversation are zero fun. Most of you don’t work out or exercise (too busy), you have very few hobbies, and when you go to house-parties of birthday parties all you do is talk about medicine. One week I spent with my sub-specialist girlfriend was miserable. I took a week off work, and all she talked about was (1) her job (2) trips she had been on or were going on that I couldn’t go with.

    You (female doctors) studied your twenties away. Yes, you had fabulous rotations you can tell everyone about and lived in some great cities for 3 weeks to 4 months and have some stories but you’re so accustomed to having a plan, making things go an exact certain way. Now you’re in your 2nd last, or last year of residency or fellowship and you realize “oh sh*t, I need to have kids before I’m 35” and you freak out.

    You’re self-entitled, aggressive, inflexible and should I mention aggressive. I love to cook (I’m also a doctor) and it’s a non-issue if I do some cooking, but many of you don’t know how to even do basic cooking. Cracks me up, since many female doctors don’t have hobbies outside of “fine dining” and eating out – so you do the whole foodie talk about how great the restaurant dinner is, and you can barely cook the most basic of foods at home.

    The male doctors I know have no issue with working hard, or in general working. You all (female doctors) generally speaking loooove being a doctor, but 1-2 years out of residency you want to now stay at home and raise kids. That’s fine, but you demand it, rather than suggest it, or offer compromises. So you give the men in your life secondary or zero attention until it is time, and then you ask the world.

    If we disagree, you go to your female doctor friends and they all tell you that you’re fabulous. Or you know a million guys in the hospital.

    Do I need to remind you that you’re aggressive? Abrupt and aggressive. Like, really aggressive. More aggressive than most men. Female doctors think nothing of stopping the conversation and, as you know very well from residency this term, “pimping” your boyfriend. For those in non-medical, pimping is calling someone out and basically making them feel stupid, quizzing them on knowledge, etc. It’s ridiculous. Again, back to forgetting to how to be a decent human being. Just because a-holes do it at work, doesn’t mean you have to (a) emulate it (b) bring it home with you. You tend to think making snap decisive decisions is a badge of honour.

    See point #2 here if you want a sugar-coated further description of the above paragraph: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-ali-binazir/why-do-the-smartest-women_b_382870.html

    It’s truly a shame. A lot of very feminine girls go into medical school, and the horrible personalities in the hospitals. I’ve dated enough female doctors of a variety of specialties and sub-specialties to know never again. No more. I’m done with female doctors. Could care less about your career. I make lots of money, can cook, have hobbies, and most importantly of all know how to be a caring kind individual. There is nothing your career offers me that I do not already have. It’s your personalities that are lacking.

    Instead of moderating this comment, I challenge (you female doctors all love a challenge) you to post this comment and respond to it instead.

    Sincerely,
    Canadian Male Doctor

    • I don’t see why male physicians are exempt from any of the issues you fault female physicians for. In fact all of these could describe either males or females that I know. I am a female surgeon and I know how to have a conversation with someone without acting like a jerk, have a great time socializing without talking about medicine, love to cook and I am pretty sure that I have never once pimped my husband. The same would describe all of my good friends from medical school and residency. Nice try buddy. I think your issues in relationships are more related to the fact that you are an asshole.

      • Bzzzt, instead of blame shifting and name calling would you care to try again with a genuine rebuttal?

      • Boy, you sound like a real pleasant person. You sure about the not acting like a jerk part? Try and reply with some logic rather than calling him an asshole

      • I’m looking for a nice female doctor to settle down with. Honestly, I wish I could get one. Pls keep me posted if u wish to recommend any, I will be most grateful. Cheers.. (yiosa1247@yahoo.co.uk).

    • Hey Mike H,

      I feel sorry, that you need to tackle us “female doctors”. This blog is about two great female docs, who write about their lives and if you’re not interested, please, just don’t read it. I dont’ know why we need to discuss about “female” docs being interesting or not. Ok, I’m not an american “female doctor”, so maybe I’m not in the position to discuss with you. But I can tell you, that I’m head of department in general surgery. I’m happily married and have a great child. Sure, I’m not at home as much as other mums, but I try to do my best to balance my family and my life. I can also cook very well (as I’m Italian). I would invite you to try it out, but the ocean is between us 😉 I go for a jog once a week with a good friend of mine witch is NOT a doc, so you’re right, I dont’ do much for my fitness, I do very little, but the little free time I have I prefer to be with my family and enjoy my child as much as I can. Even if I am the doc in our family, I’m the one doing the household, I’m the one caring for our child and I’m still working. Oh, and also all my female residents have a boyfriend and are very happy. I can’t say the same about all our male residents (at least 2 don’t have a girlfriend).
      Well, I don’t want to talk more about myself. I just needed to tell you, that I think this is not the appropiriate platform to drag us “female doctors” in the mud. If you think we are so horrible please, just stop dating female doctors. Go out with whomever you want, we female docs will find other men to go out with (at least the ones who aren’t married).

      Sorry for my english.

      Sincerely,
      Swiss Female Doctor

      • Your English is just fine, and thank you for voicing your feedback.

        There is no dragging anyone through the mud. These are factual statements than many male doctors can verify if you ask them what they really think of female physicians as marriage candidates..

    • You are just angry that your days of white male supremacy are coming to an end. This article isn’t about you or for you, and therefore you have no business posting your attention-diverting hate here. You are not debunking a myth, you are being a blatant misogynist and bigot. SO sorry if I am being abrupt and straight to the point. I am a 4th year med student going into surgery and I look forward to pushing backwards-thinking, hate-mongering men like you into retirement. The only time I get attitude like yours in real life is when I’ve just done a better job than a male-counterpart at something simple like reading an x ray correctly or having a much better patient feedback score. Again, if you think you are somehow being ‘revolutionary’ and ‘blowing the lid off’ this topic, I hope you realize that you’ve really just outed yourself for the female-hater that you are. All women deal with men like you on a daily basis in their workplaces across every sector. You are proof that feminism is still very necessary.

      • There is no hate. There is factual observation based on 10+ years of being around female physicians. I like women. I don’t like the attitude female doctors almost always bring to the table.

        I don’t mean to patronize, but just know, as a medical student (even as a 4th year medical student) you really don’t know anything. You can repeat some things you have heard other people say in the hospital, if you think it makes you sound tough, but in reality you’re purely propagating and furthering the negative (but accurate) stereotype of female physicians. Sorry to break it to you.

    • Yikes. I shudder at your post, but I realize that a lot of the close-mindedness is rooted in the scars of bad relationships. It’s unfortunate to judge a whole group of women on a subset. I imagine that you didn’t date every female Dr in your area, but unknowingly selected a specific subtype of woman. That being said, I’m a happily married female doctor. I love my job, I work out daily and I’m an excellent cook. The problem with this article and your comment is that female doctors are not all the same. Please don’t lump me into your imaginary group because of your bad experiences.

      • I’m glad to hear you have hobbies, enjoy your job, and have a great personality.

        Med school was in one location, residency was another time zone, and work is in a third time-zone. It’s not an imaginary group of female doctors who behave like this, rather it is an actual group. Sounds like you are the exception to the rule. Glad to hear that.

    • As a surgeon married to a surgeon I find your generalities and stereotyping offensive. Your observations are not what I have encountered. People and professionals , male or female, all come with different personalities and varying degrees of emotional intelligence. Good and bad behavior is not the sole property of physicians. What you really want is adoration and someone to place you on a pedestal. Good luck to you in your relationships as shallow as they are likely to be. By the way I am male.

      • As another female surgeon, I feel like Mike H is just transferring his frustrations onto female doctors. Might I suggest that he struck out with a few too many awesome female doctors that probably (rightly) realized they were too good for him?

    • Did you ever stop to consider that the reason women always abrubtly ended conversations with you is because the stuff you spit out is absurd and incredibly misguided? It sounds like you had some terrible partner choices and have become incredibly bitter about your failed romances, but none of those characteristics you mentioned above are unique to women or physicians. I work out 3-4 times a week, cook fantastically, and have great social skills. My male housemate in medical school didn’t know how to operate the washing machine (seriously, he had his clothes laundered in undergrad) or the vacuum, and couldn’t cook anything that involved more steps than “microwave for X minutes.” In fact, everything you have written can be applied to multiple male physicians I know.

      I think it’s about time you get off your high horse and stop lumping all female physicians together with your failed relationship(s).

      Sincerely,
      An awesome female

    • I’m a husband of a female physician and I think your post is pretty ignorant. I’m not here to judge but it Sounds like you’ve had a previous relationship that was unhealthy regardless of whatever her profession was.

      • I’m sorry to hear that. Female physicians are often terrible partners. Very selfish.

    • Hi Mike,
      I have to say, wow, I was fascinated by your post. I am a single general surgeon. The main article was clever and I love hype, but your response was seriously insightful. Thanks for your honesty! It is cool to hear how women doctors are perceived, what we do to screw things up. I can totally see attributes of myself in your response, and can see God softening those through various circumstances. Hope you find someone who appreciates your skills and cooking!

    • ROTFL! You lost all credibility with the poor cooking complaint. Seriously?! Please stop looking for the wrong type of women in the medical field. Please. I mean, after dealing with sick and dying patients all day I would care less if you have a gourmet meal under your nose in the evenings! Now I’m more glad than ever my husband and I are both physicians and can understand the work, while also sharing every aspect of running a house and family (yes, this includes learning how to cook things, clean things, repair things…all those things we didn’t focus on in our 20s!).

      I also call BS on women quitting after a year out. “Wanting” to stay home and raise kids is one thing, and is a common feeling most women have regardless of profession. However, I doubt all these female doctors are permanently quitting their career after one year as you say. Even if your Canadian debt is zero.

      But seriously, hilarious post.

    • Wow! You really got royally screwed by a female doctor, didn’t you?! Like she tore you apart, broke your heart, and handed you your self-worth all cut up in a platter!! Looks like you need therapy to her over your PTSD. But make sure your shrink is a male doc. The female psychiatrist may be a little too threatening for your ego 😉

    • My darling and wonderful daughter, who is also a doctor with board certifications in a non-lifestyle field, is married to a terrific Canadian man. Thankfully, not all Canadians are as bitter as you are. Sorry about your luck, or lack thereof. You wanna know what’s wrong with your relationships? Look in the mirror, eh!

    • Sorry. Debated on responding to your mock challenge, but it was so laughable, and my scotch ale is so particularly enjoyable this evening, I thought I would write for 20 seconds to you to help you glue your broken mirror together.

      Calling you out. F**k you. I’m a female MD, I exercise 5 days a week as I did in med school and residency, hike, paddleboard, sail, ski, have a pilot’s license, travel the world, play 2 instruments, speak two languages, know how to ask where the bathroom is in seven, do photography, and love parties. I don’t only wear the lampshade, I designed it, and gave it to charity.

      Get your pompous head out of your ass and you’ll find someone of whom you’re worthy. One’s value isn’t defined solely by their career, and we all know it. One could take your entire statement above, remove the word ‘doctor’ and insert some other line of work, e.g. ‘porn star.’ It would still read the same to you.

      Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and you’ve demonstrated enough of your own personal brand of misogyny (while claiming to be kind and caring) that our dear readers have no question as to why the women didn’t pick YOU.

      I wonder if you request that your current girlfriend shave thrice daily as well, just to ensure complete softness. Ha. Glad you’re done with female doctors, as there are plenty of male ones to go around for you.

      I wouldn’t date you if you paid me. Oh, but I’m married already. Go figure. Happy hunting, eh.

      • So Brandon: the Canadian dude is allowed to be a misogynistic, aggressive, generalising asshole, but when some chick cracks it, she’s being too aggressive.
        Hows this Brandon: go f**k yourself!

      • Just a lowly ICU nurse here, but you sound pretty pompous. You also sound hyper-aggressive. Lucky husband.

    • Wow! I am a female pediatric oncologist, and your comment leaves me speechless. For the record, I love my job, I am happily married, I work out regularly, and I have a child while working full time. Oh, and by the way, I can also cook. My patients and their families are amazing, and taking care of them day in and day out is a challenge, but an honor. I cannot imagine a life without this job. I dare you to ask my co-workers if I am aggressive or abrupt. They would laugh at you. You are obviously very narrow minded. If we were to ever meet in person, I would have some choice words for you that are not suitable for the internet. However, for your sake, I hope you meet a nice female physician who helps to change your mind about your stereotypes.

    • Canadian male doctor! Thank you! Could not agree more. Dated a female doctor & no, she couldn’t handle stress, wanted to overhaul my entire existence, was awkward at best when it came to social situations, incredibly insecure & why the hell, oh why, (& you mention this as well), are they so aggressive??

    • That’s a bit much… sounds like you had a bad experience with a few people. I am a female doctor who got married before med school. I’m fortunate enough to be without the problem of trying to find someone to date after studying my twenties away. I think the people in the blog are lamenting the fact that men seem to be intimidated by female doctors and it is more challenging to meet people with an MD after your name. It’s just a fun little blog. Please don’t get so grumpy about it and paint us all with the same brush. Although I do agree that I don’t like to cook…. so sue me!

    • Mike,
      I find it incredible that someone with your level of aggression, misogyny, simple-mindedness and resentment is actually a physician. I hope you don’t falsely stereotype and judge your patients the way you do women. You are obviously bitter and cynical, and I hope one day you can realize that there are more important things to focus on in life than insulting others.

    • Hey Canadian Male Doctor!
      You (male doctor) sound like a fucking asshole!
      I’m a marathon running, long distance cycling, tattooed, music loving, well travelled, hilarious and low maintenance ICU doc who pays all her bills on time, copes with real life issues and who’s engaged to a musician/town planner. I don’t see him complaining.
      I have many female AND male doctor friends who are just as awesome.
      I have many female and male non doctor friends who are just as awesome.
      Your n=10 study is not representative of all the female doctors out there. And i have seen both male and female doctor/assholes too. Including sir, yourself.

    • Wow. I’ll cut to the chase. Mike, you are a world class idiot. Your generalizations are so off that I initially thought that you were writing a parody piece. Sadly, it doesn’t seem that way. I am sorry that your relationships with female doctors didn’t go as planned. However, with a very cursory analysis of your diatribe I think most readers would agree that YOU were probably the problem.

      You don’t sound like a very empathetic individual. In fact you sound like you think that women should be impressed by your very existence. You probably don’t really know how to listen while someone else is talking (as you prepare your rebuttal while listening intently to your internal dialogue). You are probably the guy who would strike up some flirtatious encounter in the hospital and were very impressed with yourself when someone gave you the time of day. Sadly, you probably were also the guy who took every tired or frazzled encounter with your new “female doctor girlfriend” (you see, as residents we ALL get tired and don’t always function perfectly) personally. Your ego seems to be very fragile even as you try to pretend it is OK. What you really need is a therapist.

      As a male pediatric surgeon (which parenthetically means that I spent nearly a decade training and have therefore been in contact with MANY female trainees) I am pretty sure that you were a resident that was difficult to train, took constructive criticism the wrong way (every time) and were probably jealous of your more talented female counterparts. A gross majority of these women are Uber talented, funny, self sufficient and can handle stress better than most men in any field (including surgery). As I re-read your post, I am sure there is more pathology but I don’t want to jump to as many conclusions as you chose to jump to.

      Lastly, I hope your mother hasn’t read your post. I am pretty sure she would be embarrassed of her misogynistic pig of a son.

    • Not a doctor, but was attracted to ambitious professional females and ended up marrying a female doctor. I thought it was only my wife, but reading your post, she fits every single point and more. I should say though, I wouldn’t want to think that all of them are like that. I have met some really nice female docs that have amazing personalities, but they tend to be much older like grandmas, so I suspect that as time goes on, they really really wisen up.

      High-strong and aggressive is on the mark. I think it’s tempting for them to have a high ego and be aggressive for the mere fact that they are few in number in a male dominated field so they 1) get an ego trip over the fact they are special and/or 2) feel that they need to act all guyish and then some just to fit in. Not to say that all guys are high-strung and aggressive, but certainly would say it’s more a male trait then female and especially in highly successful professionals like male docs. Also, I’ve seen enough male/female docs as my own health doctor to know that they don’t have the nicest personality. Always rushing and treating me as subhuman, discounting my concerns and suggestions for tests as if who I am that they should listen to me!? And usually turns out I am right because I know my body more than even a highly trained physician.

      My advice to both female and male docs, I suspect it will be easier to find someone you like outside of your field. Oops, did I just say that!?

      • Zinger:

        Why? Because that person does not have the same opinion as you?

        What abram describes fits my experience with female doctors 100% to a T. Not his fault you don’t like what he has to say.

        Real mature. Don’t agree with someone so ask they are removed. How do you handle difference of opinions in real life.

  3. @canadian male doctor
    Wow. i really feel for you, you are obviously describing 1 female you must have had a really bad experience with, i think maybe she’s currently ur wife or u’re going thru a bitter divorce right now. (not unheard of, a lot of Male doctors get divorced, lot of them divorcing non-medical wives)
    ANYHOW, i read ur whole reply and it sounds like ur bitter towards 1 female doctor u were romantically involved with and things ended badly. Dont be bitter. just move on

      • @Stella – I think the canadian doctor had already referenced that he had dated several specialties of female doctors unsuccessfully so maybe it was the fact that they are in the same field. I dont know, I wasnt there and wont draw any conclusions, but he did try.
        @Josh – maybe the doctors at 30 are socially inept and just getting back out into the dating pool again after concentrating so much on their career, tryi g to get to a point in life where they are secure and able to commit time to pursuing what they want. Of course dating is different from a female and male perspective whatever their field of employment is. Females may want more from a relationship and will wait longer to find “Mr. Right”. But again, I’m not a female doctor so I dont know. Out of curioscity, I am interested to see what the female docs’ responses will be.

      • Maybe they are single because they can afford to be and are tired of putting up with male assholes trying to tell them not to be assertive free thinkers.

  4. I’m a male in healthcare and never saw any issues with female providers. Thinking back, they seemed to be the most stable and down-to-earth of the female population. I had the most fun with female providers but we could never quite get off the ground with the crazy schedules. It was always back to square one instead of building on the last meeting because of a two or three week waiting period. That was the one and only hang up, everything else was awesome!

    • I disagree. The nurses can be quality wives, but the female doctors really are not the catches (incorrectly) think they are. I elaborated on that in my reply below

      • Ok, as a nurse I’m offended. I can be a quality wife because I’ve chosen the nursing profession? We are all individuals, and I find your not-so-thinly-veiled misogynistic ideas much more telling of your issues, rather than those of female physicians. I can’t say I’ve encountered many female physicians who fit your hateful descriptions. What I have instead observed, is that for the most part, they are amazing and I am lucky to work alongside them. They are interesting, driven, brilliant, kind, and yes, able to cook, have families, and all other gender roles you find appropriate and necessary. And I am more than confident that their husbands would find them to be “quality wives”.

  5. Looking back as a male in healthcare, I had a lot of fun with female providers. My “group” of bachelorettes were unassuming, laid back, down to earth, and witty with the humor. The only hang up was their crazy schedule: it would be okay if we were already married, but from a dating perspective, it was always back to square one with each date since I had to wait two or three weeks to get an “appointment” (for humor, I would flash my PPO insurance card and demand an earlier “appointment”).

  6. As a Canadian surgical physician, married to a non-physician, I can attest to the crazy schedules and needing to schedule in time for date nights and down time. We are intense groups of people, and thats ok. We are intelligent, and have opinions – also ok. I make 10 X more money than my hubby, but he gets to reap the rewards of trips around the world with me, and the kids always think he pays for everything anyways so they always thank him! For the most part, though, it is hard for us to find someone we can be happy with as most average men don’t understand our day to day lives and work habits, so they cannot understand we are not more available. Most want housewives to make dinner and raise children, and physician wives are unlikely to fit that bit, such that we are not a “catch” for the average man. My husband has a very respectable job in academics and healthcare, is a triple degree trained PhD, and works hard as well, but is definitely the one who runs our household. It works for us, but we were together before I became a “doctor”.

    I think men are scared to female physicians due to articles and comments like these. We are just people. Some are fun, some are not, some are aggressive, some less so. But when the stereotype is created before the barriers are down (aka: first date!), then those stereotypes taint ones initial impression and interpretation of those conversations and perhaps we are judged to quickly. I personally have many hobbies, including diving, traveling, knitting, cooking, rock climbing, and I am just a boring mommy doctor. Yeah, we talk about medicine. You talk about work – medicine is our work. Give us some more interesting date nights and we will talk about other things!

    I do always suggest to female med students that if they have a man, keep him, because it is hard to find one once you a doctor. Men just get intimidated by women in strong positions.

  7. In reply to Dr Mom, I have to call out the nonsensical notion that “Men just get intimidated by women in strong positions.”

    I work with women in strong positions and I’m not intimidated by them at all. They are great at what they do. And I tell them that. My department chair is a strong leader of the academic department and has made many great progressive strides forward.

    None of the “women in strong positions” that I know are not very interesting people. I wish I was making this up, but I’m not. At a recent faculty Christmas party I made the mistake of asking one of my colleagues if they knew the history of Santa Clause/St. Nicholas. The reply was “Norman Rockwell and Coca-Cola invented Santa Claus…it was on TV.”

    I would also add that these “women in strong positions” have no problem berating and denigrating male colleagues for being “pigs” and “disgusting perverts” while at the same making snide remarks about the genital sizes of male student athletes, often in front of their husbands and boyfriends.

    I’m not intimidated by “women in strong positions”. I think its great that they got to where they are by determination and hard work.

    But I’ll be damned if I’m going to waste my time with someone with someone who assumes they are well read, interesting and aware when, in fact, they are the exact opposite and unwilling to admit it as it would be too painful of a truth to bear.

    • Agreed entirely. I’ve never felt intimidated. It’s far more about choosing to be with someone who is engaging, interesting, caring and feminine. There are a lot of myths female doctors say about themselves that they believe to be true. I elaborated on this in my reply below to you.

    • Frank,
      Come on man. I am married to a female surgeon, and I am in the oil and gas industry as a regional salesman. I cover three states and I have been asked numerous times by my customers how do I handle being married to a surgeon. Their issue is not only a disparity in income but her demanding work schedule. I’m not intimidated but it does affect some people. You can’t be that naive.
      I have known great male docs and also a few d bags. Just because the male doc was a dick doesn’t mean I think all of them are that way. People are people. If there is one thing that we all can agree on is that everybody is different. Spend a month in my shoes adjusting to the culture of big cities like Dallas or Baton Rouge to smaller ones like Gonzales or Searcy. You will see views on women in the work place are different.

  8. All the people making generalizations need to chill. I am a female physician and while I think I’m a decent mother and wife, I’m not a great chef, I’m not a “pinterest” mom, and by no means am I even approaching perfect. I don’t think the point is for everyone to find a doctor to marry. It’s to not be completely put off by the fact a nice girl you meet happens to be a doctor. Everyone has their hang ups, but many guys feel intimidated when they find out you’re a doctor without even really giving the relationship a chance. Of course there are some bitchy doctors out there, but you won’t know until you try! It’s hard to meet people when you’re so busy and if you’re a an OBGYN or pediatrician, most of your coworkers are females. So give it a shot, we can be fun!

    • This is a good discussion, and something that should be brought into the open. The girl doctors think they are the cat’s meow and the bee’s knees. Society makes these generalizations that are also not true (female doctors are caring and kind, men are afraid of women in strong positions, etc).

      There is a lot of talk, amongst male physicians, why we don’t want to date female doctors but a quick google search brings up little to no information on what these men are saying. So I think it’s good to discuss. I think a lot of these female doctors are believing their own (incorrect) hype. Maybe if more of this is discussed, more girls will start to realize it’s not their career that is impeding them in their relationships, but actually their personalities.

      I replied more in depth to your comment below.

    • It would be interesting if you forwarded this to your other female and male physician friends and get them to weigh in on their thoughts.

  9. @stella – I have dated multiple (5+) female doctors in multiple specialties and sub-specialties. It’s easy to meet female doctors. It’s hard to meet ones with good personalities.

    @DrMom – your last paragraph is wise. It’s not “strong positions” that “scare men off” – that is a fallacy. It’s females who become doctors lose (or, more accurately, never learn) how to be feminine, how to be a good partner, how to be one who works well together in a relationship. Something in the hospitals, the rotations, all the people around these girls telling them for ten-plus years they are special little snowflakes warps and twists these female doctor’s minds and they become often time entitled, incredible aggressive, inflexible, and without hobbies or interests. They think their job makes them amazing people, when in fact they fail to realize their career offers me nothing that I don’t already have (I make lots of money, I have access to smart intelligent people to be friends with, etc.). In fact, female doctor’s career takes away from the things I need (caring, someone with hobbies and interests, etc). Most of these girls can’t even cook a reasonable meal and they’re in their 30’s (I can cook, and prefer to, but it’s a joke they somehow never even learned). They’re booksmart, but often flat and devoid of any personality. My advice for women who already have a man, entering medical school, would also be to hang on to them, as it keeps one balanced rather than throwing yourself into studies for ten years and parroting the weird/aggressive/dysfunctional personalities in the hospitals.

    @Frank Wunder – All too true. Girls often make statements as facts, that rarely coincide with real actual facts. The whole “men are afraid of women in strong positions” is complete garbage. Never have I felt intimidated by a girl who also happens to be a doctor. None of these women in “strong positions” are very interesting people, and you’re absolutely right. They have no problem berating, or throwing their partner under the bus to be right. I’ve had multiple female doctors I’m dating do that to me, the most recent one being the worst.

    The whole “men are scared of women in strong positions” fact is not a fact. It’s just something women repeat over and over again and (they) start to believe it to be true. False. They’re, generally speaking, not very interesting people. It’s interesting thought to explore. Often men who make it to very accomplished career positions have turned into very interesting people as well along the way. This is including the male doctors that I know. I wonder why such a vast majority of these girls who study to be doctors end up being devoid of any personality or interests other than work?

    @pennyd433 – I’ve tried. Many times. The problem (and the point you’re missing) is, most females, who are doctors, are not nice. It’s not mutually inclusive. In fact, it’s the general rule of thumb. Generalizations are a good thing. If someone carrying a baseball bat and yellow socks hits you on the head, and the next four people carrying a baseball bat and yellow socks also hits you on the head, would you duck when you see the next person carrying a baseball bat and yellow socks comes your way? I’m done dating female doctors. I want someone to be nice, friendly, caring, feminine, and have interests outside of work. Not an ultra-aggressive, inflexible, time-strapped woman whose career offers me nothing else that I do not already have.

      • I call a spade a space. Yes, many female doctors are narccistic. Problem is, it does not stop there. Female doctors are also often ultra-aggressive, and extremely self-entitled.

        My advice is don’t date female doctors.

    • Wooooow Mike H. Your blatant bitterness toward women is so apparent to anyone that reads your post and comments above that it baffles me that you can’t see it when you read it back to yourself. Can you do that for me right now? Can you just read it back to yourself? Saying female docs think they’re the “bees knees” and are treated like “special little snowflakes”? Neither I nor any of the other female docs I know have EVER been treated like a “special little snowflake.” I don’t even think your beef is with female physicians in relationships, it’s with female physicians in general. Perhaps you should be putting your efforts toward building a time machine, so you can return to the days when men dominated medicine because, clearly, that would make you more comfortable. And the fact that you keep tooting your own horn just SCREAMS insecurity. I mean come on people, this is basic psych 101 (I’m not a psychiatrist BTW, don’t need to be). Ok I’m done wasting any further time on you, neither I nor anyone else is going to change the way you feel, think or speak.

  10. Fascinating discussion.
    I’ve been out of the dating pool for a couple of decades. The above commentary makes me wonder when some of the above men were dating female physicians. (If you don’t want us to call you boys, please don’t call us girls.)
    In the generation before mine, women had to be uber-aggressive to compete in a “man’s world”. In my generation, we were all peers & no-one in my training program, nor in my job, had to prove anything more than our competency. Current residents seem to be even more confident & on a par with the guys.
    Some of my friends married fellow MDs. Others, like me, married men in other professions. I think physicians, being competitive people at baseline, do tend to compete w each other. I figure it’s better to be with someone in a different area. My husband comes home & tells me about his day & I learn something new & different. And I tell him about my day & the kids talk about their days. (The pets are less verbal.)
    Yes, my husband does most of the cooking – he gets home first. I clean, because, after having the tar scared out of my by OR nurses, I have embraced sterile technique. Can I cook? Of course. Can he clean? Of course. But, we do what we do best. That’s called teamwork. Partnership. Marriage.

    Someone queried why there were so many single 30 y/o female doctors. Well, if you finish college at 22, spend 4 yrs in med school & do a 3-4 yr residency, never-mind a fellowship – – – voila, you’re 30!! We’re in direct competition with all the 20-something women working in the hospital. And, if we’re post-call, our make-up might not be perfect.
    And, if the rep of female physicians is as you describe, then it’s even harder to find a man willing to go out w you. I’ve dated a PharmD who was clearly intimidated by my MD degree – and I was then a lowly intern, crawling under the dust on the floor. Next, I dated a man who worked in a factory, but was comfortable in his own skin & was totally comfortable w me. Yes, I have a good job & it pays well. So, you don’t have to wow me with spending money on me. I have more fun going bowling or hiking or camping.

    Am I smart? – well I DID go to med school. Can I pull amazing facts out of the air? – well, that’s why my husband won’t play Trivial Pursuit w me. Am I emasculating? Well, I hardly think that would be beneficial to a marriage. Do I have hobbies – yup. Have I turned my husband on to them – yup. Has my husband turned me on to his – yup. Do I have a sense of humor – yes, a wicked one.

    Not all female physicians are God’s Gift to Mankind. But, there are a lot of good ones out there. If you have only found spoiled, arrogant, self-involved harridans, it begs certain questions. Where have you been finding these women? What expectations & preconceptions are YOU bringing to the table. What I think we bring to the table is a self-confident, self-supporting, intelligent woman who enters the relationship not because she NEEDS a man, but because she WANTS him.

    MD x 30 yrs, MRS x 22 yrs

    • Many many male doctors are married by their early 30’s. Many many female doctors are not married by their early to mid 30’s. Am just saying..

    • Somewhere along the lines, most of the female MDs turn into high-strung, hyper-competitive, self-absorbed people who pick every little detail as hills to die on. Yeah, it’s cool you’re a doctor. I am too. Who cares. Let’s not get stressed about work to the point you take it home with you ruin everything else.

      It truly is unfortunate to say, but the majority of female doctors I have met are spoiled, arrogant, and self-absorbed. They have forgotten the basics of how to be nice to people, have interests outside of work, and be considerate. Too busy being fabulous on their 4-6 week rotation to New York City or Europe and posting selfies of the fantastic wine and food they’re eating. Try developing a personality instead.

      It’s a sad thing, but I think 10-15+ years of being told (from early 20’s) you’re a special little snowflake has an effect on these women and they morph into something undesirable, losing who they were in the first place.

      • So dear little Mikey, what did 40+ years of being told you are a snowflake by your momma make you, you poor little boy?

  11. Its good to ve this platform on women doctors. Life is light and darkness and the same applies to women doctors. Why! Because some are white and others are black due to their life from the beginning. Either from their homes,schools,community,etc. And all women are special from creation. Have been praying to marry a woman doctor and i have my aims of getting a doctor to marry. Not for their firm.. No. But i prefer having a doctor as a wife. One might say no to that because of what he have seen or experienced. That doesn’t mean all are the same. Thank you for your platform. Good luck.

  12. Funny article… and that is all there is to that… we read it and end of story…
    we can’t really stereotype each and every female MD and decide they all are like what was mentioned… Each individual , whatever their title , will still be different from the next…..
    We are all unique in our own way whether we are lawyers, doctors, dentisits, vets, dancers, singers, artist, office manager…
    to each is own..
    Im a practicing MD but I only ” play doctor 4 times a week:”
    My greatest work is raising my kids, keeping the house clean and believe it or not cooking, which is my favorite thing to do.. I would probably had been a chef if i didn’t go to med school..Oh by the way, I love love to workout as well as Physical therapy was my pre med course and know all the muscles , insertion and action by heart…. Good day people!!! Happy new year!

  13. I live in the UK and am happily married to a doctor, she is a consultant (equiv. of an attending I believe) in obstetrics and gynaecology. We’ve been together for nearly 7 years, since she was a second year specialty trainee (4 years post graduation from medical school). I’m not a doctor myself but do work in a management capacity in another hospital so have at least some insight into the demands on her. The article seemed to tie in well with my wife, although I realise not everyone is the same. I don’t know whether a career in medicine brings those qualities out in people or maybe people with those sorts of qualities are drawn to medicine, probably a bit if both. Regarding some of the negative views expressed in the comments, I know many female doctors both through my wife and through my own work; whilst there are flaws in characters (as we all have) the negative traits are no more prevalent than in the general population. I know male doctors too of course and the same applies.
    I’m glad I managed to get hitched to a doctor anyway, best thing I ever did!

  14. Being a male who married an Ent Surgeon. If I was to have my time again knowing everything I know now despite having 3 beautiful Daughters under the age of 7. I most certainly would not marry a female surgeon. There is a level of selfishness required to become a surgeon and initially this driven trait can be viewed as endearing, but eventually becomes isolating. No amount of understanding for the Non medical partner can soften the blow of rejection felt by being in a relationship with a medical professional. I can easily name many more after 8 years of marriage and 14 in a relationship. Try and see it from a partners perspective when it comes to dealing with what drives you to be a Dr.

    Cheers.

    • Can you elaborate on the 8+ more you know of?

      Too many men out there think marrying s female doctor is great. They don’t know how bad the female doctor’s personalities can be.

      Interested in you sharing more. It will help other men in the future who read this.

  15. Mike:
    My husband is a self employed work at home software engineer. I am a physician sub-specialist. He thanks his lucky stars every day that I married him 15 years ago. He has access to a high six figure income, lots of free time and I have a flexible schedule. I am one of a handful of women in my group. Most of my partner’s wives are stay at home moms. My husband frequently is called upon to help these wives with home computing issues and other emergencies. He is constantly saying, “So and so is really nice, and she’s kinda hot, but she as dumb as a bag of rocks. Thank God I married an intelligent woman.” Also, somehow my male partners have become completely emasculated by these wives. They cannot do anything without asking permission- no shift switching, last minute interview dinners, section meetings. Our vacation picks take forever because each pick has to go through wifey. In addition, the SAHMs are so sick of their kids and catering to their lazy husbands who don’t help at home that they’ve banded together against them. They go out together all the time and go on vacation and leave the MDs at home with the kids and the nanny. They conspire to spend as much of their money as possible. I drive a Toyota, I am paying the bill. They drive Lexuses and Mercedes. So beware of the non-physician wife you seek. She’s not busy, you’re not home. Her top priorities will turn to spending your money, Pilates and lunch dates, not you. I speak from experience. My priorities are family, work, exercise. I love my girlfriends but not more than my husband.

  16. wow. mike99h, i really hope you are able to get some therapy to help you recover from your prior bad experiences. your repeated references to grown women as “girls” and your insistence that they be “feminine” enough are quite revealing of your underlying mindset. i hope you can find happiness with someone. i also hope you are able to open your mind and soften your heart to other human beings.

  17. My Girlfriend “Dr. McHottie” is a Vascular Surgery Resident and coincidently the most amazing women I have ever met. She embodies each of the qualities in this artical with a grace and calmness that I admire. Furthermore, her ability to multi task combined with that unique perspective on life is how she ensures a healthy balance with our relationship and life in general. She can handle the OR, trauma, or code, and still make it to dinner! Honestly, If she can work that hard for her coworkers and patients think of what she’ll do for the person she loves. I’m not a Physician but I do work in Healthcare so I understand the busy scedule and long hours. Her low maintaince and spontinaity makes it easy for us to make time for the things that are important to us. As a guy its extremely difficult to find a women with these genuine qualities. So guys if you have the chance to date one of these remarkable women I’d man up instead of running. We are both very independent but share a mutual respect for how hard each of us can work. It’s Impressive to see her doing what she loves and working her ass off instead of waiting on Mr. Right to show up and hand it to her … Oh yeah and she’s excellent at CPR;)

    Sincerely,
    M.

  18. I loved this article- my stepmother is a rheumatologist and my dad used to run her practice… he retired when the practice was sold to a medical group. I would like to say that children of medical professionals are way more fun to date if you are a doctor because they already know what that schedule looks like and can empathize in a way that others can’t. It’s just tragic that most of the time, you won’t get that response. You’ll get ego strokes that only add to your God complex. Come on. You’re a surgeon. I know you have one. If you don’t, there’s something wrong with you. If you are a lesbian, CALL ME. :P~~~~~~~

  19. This article and the comments following it terrify me. I am a female going into my third year of medical school at 29, recently single after dating a fellow med student for a year and I know the next two years are going to be very demanding. That leaves me at 31 most probably single and in residency. In terms of lifestyle and personality I see myself doing family medicine as I want a life beyond my career and balance is very important to me, so that puts me at 33 after res (Canadian FM is 2yrs). The thing that terrifies me is I am going to find myself at this point where it seems like I have to advocate for reasons why men should date me because of my career, or be written off as a bad egg because of my age. I was a little late into the med school game because I did take time to experience life a little, and I am thankful as I feel much more well rounded than a good portion of my peers for it. I am an excellent cook (according to friends, family and peers), I love to entertain when I have time (which I make, the multitasking portion of above is true), I take care of myself and make time for quick workouts 6 days a week, and keep up with current fashions, and would consider myself attractive (or at the very least I wasn’t cursed in the looks department). I am a very caring individual, and in fact have been told that I should be a little more selfish in my relationships, as I tend to invest a lot of myself into making sure those who are important to me know that I care, before I take care of my own needs. I do like the idea of the modern twist on fitting into the semi-traditional domestic role of the wife but also having the ability to pursue my passion of medicine in my career and I like the idea of having a partner who will work with me at this challenge to find balance in building a life together, perhaps having a family, and still have the luxury of working in medicine. Perhaps I am just being a hopeless romantic, and am naïve as to what is in store for me in the next few years, but overall I can’t ever see myself becoming aggressive or entitled because of the profession I am passionate about. Yet articles like this sheds a negative light on what it will be like for me going forward on this path I’ve chosen and it terrifies me to think that some of my goals in life may be hampered by a couple of letters behind my name, so as that men may not even give me a chance to show them how much of a catch I could be.

    • Hi 🙂 First let me say, if a man doesn’t like you because of two letters after your name, then he isn’t the right man for you. Secondly “I want a life beyond my career” – unless you already know about an unfortunate demise, you WILL have a life. And how you define your life is up to YOU. What you want for your life isn’t the same as anyone else’s, regardless of gender or profession, because it is YOUR life and yours only. I have written about this before https://heelskicksscalpel.com/2014/07/11/yes-i-do-have-it-all-and-how-you-can-too/ – see what you think. But be encouraged, you are alive, and therefore have “a life.” Good luck and congratulations on all you have achieved so far!

      • I apologize (true to my Canadian nature) as saying I want a life beyond my career may have came off as me saying that if I were to do things another I would not have a life, nor would anyone who did it that way. Definitely not how I view the subject, and should have worded myself more along the lines of saying I think Family medicine would be the right choice for me as the structure of the lifestyle it would provide me would suit my ideal scenario for goals I have in my life outside of my career. But thank you for the encouragement!

      • @CanadianFMedStudent

        Honestly, I would encourage you to take a second look. Female physicians fit the bill far more than the general population. I think you’re a little biased. Ask any of your well-rounded male physician peers (not med students; they don’t know anything – am serious, you will understand S/P residency) what they think of female physicians. I think you’re being a little delusional or naive about thinking female physicians are the same as the general female population.

        There is a stereotype for a reason..

        Don’t let the hypergamy detract. It honestly should concern more female docs. Basically what that article said is, men don’t care about a woman’s profession. Having an MD doesn’t help you. It actually hurts, due to the unsavoury personality flaws it forms in so many female physicians.

        The lying about one’s job is stupid. Ignore that advice. Rather, focus on being a nice, normal person and not an aggressive, task-oriented, hyper. Downplay what you do, and let the guy know you want to focus on who they are as a person. Too many female physicians can only talk about their job.

        Above all, don’t fall into the “you’re fabulous, I’m fabulous, we’re all fabulous” martini drinking crowd. You know the type, the group of female physicians who convince themselves they’re fantastic, and they keep telling each other how great they are. Those ones go out for eggs benny and mimosas every sunday, but have no hobbies.

        Let me say the same thing a different way: Men don’t care about your job. Suddenly that means all thin girls with a nice personality are your competition. Teachers, accountants, daycare supervisors, front desk secretaries are all your competition. And they have more time to dedicate towards their man. Best not fall into the female physician trap. I honestly think you’re being a big delusional, thinking female doctors are the same as the general female population. Wait until you get into the hospital (med school rotations don’t exactly count). Keep your hair long, your personality nice, and don’t be a total hyper testosterone female that the hospitals breed. I hope this helps.

      • @Michael

        I definitely was not saying that the stereotype is necessarily wrong, it’s just something I wasn’t aware of until now, if does truly exist. My experience has been limited so far to my fellow med students as I only just finished my preclerkship and I haven’t had too many interactions with female physicians in the hospital as of yet, at least not enough that stand out in my mind to completely understand what all of this is about. I will keep your advice in mind as I go forward into rotations come fall and hopefully by staying insightful, won’t be finding myself grouped in as a part of this negatively viewed breed of “hyper testosterone career women”. Thanks

    • Here is the secret for catching a quality man (or even a good guy):

      1. Be nice
      2. Be cute
      3. Don’t be fat

      That’s it. A nice personality, and don’t be a land whale.

      Somehow these female doctors think their degree makes them as a person. Quite the opposite. Man

      An interesting read: https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2015/03/18/female-hypergamy-by-the-numbers/

      Don’t pay attention to the wordy analysis. Pay attention to the (scientific) analysis that 22% of male doctors married female doctors, wheras 44% of female doctors (almost half) married male doctors. What does that say?

      Men don’t care what your job is.

      Suddenly there is a lot more competition in the Mrs department for a quality guy. And the guys don’t care about your credentials. They care if you’re nice and have a personality.

      The hyper-aggressive female physicians should take note. They miss that entirely. Men will marry nice girls. Not accomplished ones.

      • Ps. I just realized the original poster is a mike. I am not the same person. Michael is a fairly common first name.

      • Thank you for your input, it was an enlightening read, although I am not sure if I would consider myself a hypergamous female, and more so would hope to find a nice guy I mesh well with. I believe I am nice, cute and am by no means a “land whale”, so I guess that is slightly reassuring. It’s in just uncomfortable knowing that there is this stereotype of female physician at all. I mean I definitely know some of my peers fit that bill, but not more than I have seen out there in the general population, and the fact that women are lying about what they do for a living when meeting a guy totally confuses me. I’m not sure if it bothers me more to think that I might have to start off a conversation with a potential interest with dishonesty or that I may be negatively stereotyped if I do say what I do for a living. Regardless I suppose all I can do is maintain the triad of qualities you listed and see what happens.

      • Women cling to the hilarious notion that men desire a well-educated woman. No man with options ever has been turned on by a graduate degree or long career hours. The funny thing is as the women get older and older their self-talk increases, telling them they’re fabulous and their careers make them better mates.

        Ladies. He cute and nice. That’s it. Your med school degree or other master’s doesn’t impress us.

      • Autocorrect typo

        *ladies. Be cute and nice. That’s all that matters. 95% of it in getting a quality man. Your master’s degree doesn’t impress us.

  20. I have often wondered if the Medical Profession attracts certain personalities or is it the personalities that attract the Medical Pofession….

  21. Mike H,

    I don’t know where your “facts” are coming from (facts, really? It sounds more like opinions to me…), but for some odd reason, most of my female colleagues in residency are happily married, and don’t sound anything like the people you’re describing. I feel bad you have been exposed to such women, but to grossly generalize statements like that about us is quite alarming and sad. I’m a female physician who is in a healthy relationship with a male physician for the past three years. I run, cook, bake, play violin, and make time for
    my friends and family. I’m a fourth year resident in a subspecialty, and despite the long hours I put in, I make time for these things in my life for not only the sanity and well being of my loved ones, but for mine as well.

    So, in closing…please don’t generalize half of your work force by backing up your argument with “facts”. Those are just opinions, and that’s what I’m presenting to you now: my personal opinion.

    Take care

  22. I am a recently retired woman neurosurgeon and got a huge lift from this article’s point of view. Been there, done that! Being unconventional to start with, I discovered I had to quit rocking the boat just to survive. It took me nearly 2 years to “come down” from surgery but now that I am no longer cutting I am having a helluva time rediscovering my unconventional side. Appparently life begins at 60.

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