Rants of a Snow Beleaguered Trauma Surgeon

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As the snow continues to fall and fall and fall in my neck of the woods and the snow piles get higher and higher, my days and nights on call are filled with more and more poor souls injured (and occasionally killed) due to Snowmaggedon. So please listen up and do as you’re told so we can avoid a chance meeting in the trauma bay.

1) Are you an essential employee? If you have to think about it you’re probably not. I know it’s hard for your ego but your ego needs to be contained in an intact skull so consider the risk benefit ratio of your dead body vs going to work before hitting the roads.

2) You think running outside is waaaay more fun than running on treadmill? Yeah, I do too. But when the sidewalks are covered and the shoulders are shot, you’re just as much bait for wayward cars as a squirrel; so hop on a human hamster wheel and get your run on inside.

3) Are you blessed with super powers? No? I didn’t think so. So don’t try to defy gravity clearing snow off your roof. Use proper restraints or hire a professional to do that job because the snow doesn’t break your fall as much as it breaks your bones and internal organs.

4) Speaking of superpowers, what’s your kryptonite? Yup, it’s your snowblower.  If it breaks leave it be. There are only two outcomes if you try to fix it, neither of them good. It will either stay broken or it will start again but your hand will be sacrificed. So grab a shovel instead.

5) See those icicles twinkling along the side of your roof line? I know they look pretty but remember they can impale you so just stay away. Far far away. Unless of course you are planning to get into a bar fight in which case the icicle is a pretty even match for the broken beer bottle.

6) Do you ever ski, snowboard, or bike without a helmet on? (If you do, just stay the hell away from a trauma surgeon’s blog!) Why would you treat any other high speed leisure activity any differently? So grab helmet before you head to the hill for some sledding.

Sure things need to get done in poor weather. Sure you need to protect your home and the valuables contained within it. Sure you need to clear your driveway and sidewalk. Sure you need to unwind and have some fun.

Just realize this winter wonderland can be fraught with dangers. Don’t be lulled by the twinkle of the glistening white powder. Be safe.

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